You Must Have Lots of Cats (and other comments by checkout operators)

It seems to be open season for checkout assistants to comment on the items that I am choosing to purchase in Sainsburys. Perhaps they view it as making polite conversation. A short survey has established that on about 1 in 4 of my visits, observation is made about the amount of cat food that I buy. (I cannot help but wonder what other cat owners do. Perhaps most people with two cats buy wholesale...). So I have taken to responding to the observation that "You must have a lot of cats" with a genial smile and one of the following comments:

"No actually I don't have any cats. It's the only thing we can find that the baby will eat".
"It's not for the cats. I found out that my husband has been cheating on me, so I have been using it to make his meals for three weeks now".
"Actually I've been feeding it to the tadpoles. They're carnivorous you know, and it stops them eating each other". [As it happens the latter is not far removed from the truth...]

I certainly won't be going to Sainsburys to purchase contraceptives...